A guide to diplomacy for idealists with low social skills

 

Don’t say

What you sound like to everybody else

Do say

I’m vegan.

I hate 99,9% of humanity

I’m not into labels, but yea, I guess I don’t eat a lot of dairy. Ever.

I go dumpster diving.

I’m disgusting and you better not smell me.

Here is an invitation to dinner! … No, you don’t have to bring anything, I’ll cook and it will be completely for free.

I think we all need to stop consuming. Zero growth is a good idea.

I don’t care about the lives of people who have fewer degrees than me.

I think we should all work way less. Technical innovation should have made it possible for us to work 20 hours per week years ago. At least that’s what Keynes thought, right?

I’m not on facebook.

I look down on everybody else.

(You’re not even reading this, right?)

Globalisation is the worst that has ever happened to humanity. Everybody in the First World should feel ashamed of himself or herself.

I have never used a paper cup or bought a pair of sneakers, because they were cool. Also, unicorns exist and Elvis lives.

Thanks to globalisation, we don’t have to donate our money to inefficient and corrupt aid agencies anymore. We can just spend it on the prettiest fair trade products and everybody wins!

I would never do/eat/watch/think that.

I would never do/eat/watch/think that in front of other people and I’m just saying that to let you know that I look down on you for doing/eating/watching/thinking that.

Don’t say anything. Just fill your facebook with pictures showing the fun things you do/eat/watch/think instead of that.

I’m an idealist and think that diplomacy is so fake.

I’m an annoying hypocrite who got mobbed in high school and made being hated his/her thing.

 

I’m trying to be a good person. That involves not being judgemental.

 

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10 thoughts on “A guide to diplomacy for idealists with low social skills

  1. Pingback: A guide to diplomacy for idealists with low social skills | apples and anarchy

  2. Hey Sarah! I just read this and love it… 🙂 i’ve actually read all of your posts! Part of its charm for me might be the vivid memory of you rant about stuff like this at our gassbottle dining table in Ejeda, but still, they’re great. So cheers for that! 🙂

    • Hahaha, wow, that gave me a full-on “life is weeeeird” moment. The badass hulk-eyed girl from Ejeda is still out there somewhere and hears my rant? I’m thrilled!! Cheers right back atcha!
      How is Auzzie treating you? Still planning to hop over?

  3. This was really funny! You must do more in the future. I only understand too well all of the “don’t say” column. And I guess if I’m commenting on an older post, this must be an affirmation that I enjoy your blog and your writing 😀

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